Do You Love Yourself?

Dr. Most Venerable
Mirisse Dhammika Nayaka Thera

King Kosala, a contemporary of the Buddha, asked his wife Queen Mallika “my dearest Mallika, whom do you love the most in the world”? She said “My Great King, I love myself the most”.

King Kosala was hurt and brought this colloquy to the Buddha for analysis. The Buddha stated that Queen Mallika’s answer was correct and true to all worldly beings. Probably, every one of us has asked this question from someone in our lives; it may be man from the wife and vice versa or children from parents or those who have fallen in love with each other. The answers may differ from that of Mallika’s.

Why does an infant cry? There is a multitude of reasons such as hunger and thirst etc. When hunger is eliminated, crying stops. What does this mean? Even though an infant doesn’t know the parents well, it loves them because they provide food and tender care. All this makes the infant happy. If parents leave the child in the hands of a caregiver, the child will love profoundly the caregiver who provides the necessities such as love, tenderness, care and food. If one offers love and care to others, one will receive them too.

A noble bondage that connects parents with children is love. It is a condition caused by ego-centered attachment. When offspring are successful in their education or in a career, the parents become extremely happy because it is their accomplishment. This becomes evident in a family with a number of children. Often, the child who excels in every aspect experiences profound parental love because of the accomplishment of parental expectation. It reveals that this noble love is egocentric.

According to the Buddha’s Teachings rebirth is caused due to egocentric attachment. It is firmly anchored in the subconscious mind. Loosening this grip of attachment and its final eradication are known as nibbana. Anyone who loves oneself has to be sorrow less not only in this birth but also in the infinite path of samsara (infinite deaths and rebirths). The state of sorrowlessness can be achieved by following the peaceful path taught by all Buddhas.

Be free from all unwholesome things; Amas all wholesome things; Liberate the mind of all defilements.